Lo que es importante para mí.
Tener una vida interesante, variada, donde pueda usar todo mi potencial de manera continua. Tener una casa que refleje que yo vivo ahí, que esté orgullosa de ella. Tener un esposo que también use todo su potencial. Tener a mi mascota conmigo y no dejarla al cuidado de los demás; es mía y es mi responsabilidad, y la extraño, y ella no entiende por qué no estoy ahí. Tener un horario organizado y fuerza de voluntad para cumplirlo, con poquita flexibilidad y el criterio para usarla cuando sea necesario, pero sin excusas todo el tiempo para no hacer lo necesario, porque te deja no creyendo en ti misma... lobo.... Usar el 20 por ciento del tiempo para hacer el 80 porciento de lo que debo hacer y no me gusta, para poder hacer lo que me gusta y descansar el resto del tiempo. Aprender algo nuevo siempre, música, ejercicios, idiomas, cultura general, mejorar mis habilidades de escritura, mejorar en todo. Poder salir a caminar cuando yo quiera, sin depender del coche, e ir a lugares tranquilos para leer, estar conmigo misma, escribir, pensar, escuchar música, tomar un helado, ver animalitos, ver la naturaleza... Encontrar un trabajo que me haga sentir orgullosa, que ocupe mis habilidades, mi liderazgo, que me haga soñar y caminar hacia mis sueños, y que al mismo tiempo me permita sentir orgullosa de mi esposo y lo pueda admirar y amar, y no sentirme superior... a veces creo que debo hacerme menos para que el sea y se vea mejor, pero eso me hace sentirme mal y resentirlo... a veces creo que debo esperar a que él se supere para poder hacerlo yo, pero a veces no sé si es mejor empezar yo y que él con mi ejemplo se motive y se supere también.... quiero apoyarlo y hacerlo sentir bien, que es el hombre de la casa, el líder... pero a mí me gusta liderar y no se cómo dejarlo...podemos coliderar o debo aprender a liderar de otro modo para djarlo a él sentir su lugar?
Y también quiero hacer algo por la humanidad... descubrir algo importante, algo que haga que me recuerden las generaciones por venir, y no solo mis seres queridos... yo sé que tengo el potencial para hacerlo, siempre he sabido que estoy aquí para hacer algo grande, tengo la inteligencia para hacerlo, comomLeonardo Da Vinci, Benjamín Franklin, incluso Nikola Tesla.... pero no sé qué hacer exactamente, mi multipotencialidad a veces trabaja contra mí porque me aburro al especializarme... tengo que encontrar el balance para tener variedad y hacer algo valioso ue necesite inversión de tiempo.... yo sé que puedo hacer grandes, grandes cosas, no solo escribiéndolas, que me encanta y reúne todo. sino algo más.... por eso me siento tan mal de llevar una vida tan.....blah., tan mediocre.... para mucha gente es la vida ideal.para mí es.....no es mala, no soy infeliz, es una gran parte de mis sueños, pero puedo hacer tanto......quiero hacer tanto.... soy capaz de hacer muchas cosas, y de hacelras bien, no puedo seguir desperdiciando mi tiempo, talento y dones que Dios me dio (gracias!). Ahora, Diosito, please dame la fuerza, dterminación y lo que se requiera para realizar todo esto, realizarme en todas las áreas de mi vida sin descuidar ninguna, y volver a sentirme como cuando tenía 7 años, la única época donde realmente era la mejor versión de mí....me urge volver a serlo... me extraño mucho.... extraño esa sensación de felicidad, tranquilidad, calma, que da saber que haces todo lo posible y vas hacia tus sueños....incluyendo seres queridos, mascotas, tú misma, Dios... ynla felicidad aquí y en el cielo..... Ayúdame por favor, Diosito, y ayúdame a merecerlo.... ayuda a todos los que lo necesitan. Muchas gracias.

El diplomado de revistas...

Realmente quiero hacer el diplomado??

La verdad ya me estoy aburriendo de hacer revistas.... me choca traducir los artículos, me da flojera hacer las novedades y nuevos productos, me da flojera hacer las reseñas (bueno, estas no tanto)...lo que me da mas flojera es no tner la libertad de hacer lo que yo quiera, ya nada es nuevo, y no hay avance ni variedad...

Y las dos primeras clases del diplomado fueron horribles, me dio mucho coraje no participar como yo querpia y que me ganaran lo que yo tenía pensado decir..... y fue aburridísimo, todo eso lo puedo aprender en la editorial, en internet, con la experiencia como mentores del licenciado, la liceicnada, la sra. ise, la maestra rocío... fernandito.... y ahorrarme todo el dinero y el tiempo....sí, no tendré el papel del diplomado, pero tampoco voy a dejar de disfutar de los planes de mi boda, de la luna de miel y de tener a mi habibi aquí por ir a aburrirme 4 horas y gastar 17 mil pesos solo para tener un papepl; Steve Jobs no se graduó de la universidad e hizo lo que hizo; el Lic. muñiz nunca se tituló y no importa, papi no es ingeniero y a nadie tampoco le importa, lo que importa es la experiencia; yo tengo tpitulos y estudios que no aplico, y mi experiencia es la que da lo mejor de todo; sí, ya tengo lic. y maestría y cuenta mucho, pero mis capacidades cuentan más que todo eso; d todos modos, no sé si me lo reconocerían allá o no; y en dado caso puedo buscar en otro lado. Ya vi que hay muchos libros y cursos de los que puedo aprender...tengo que volver a leeer el libro de renaissance donde dice que la educación formal no es la única forma de aprender.... tal vez sólo asista a las clases que den los de algarabía si no es muy al final donde ya me tnga que ir a Philly y si me dan alguna miniconstancia.. y puedo encontrar más libros como los de kindle y talleres y coaches en internet como el de la llamada de hoy, y hacer trabajs voluntarios, intercambios, etc....

Ejemplo de cómo las cosas que uno quiere, o que se siente mal si le dicen que no, al dejarme decidir por mi misma y no rpesionarme tal vz me de cuenta de que lo que quería ya no es lo que quiero o no es lo mejor ahora.... lo bueno de ser scanner es que hay tantas opciones viables para ser todo lo que uno quiere ser!!! Y pueden ser hobbies o carreras, yo soy libre de decidir!! Gracias!!! :-)

Y rezar istikhara...

"Since you change interests frequently, it may not always be advisable to invest time and money in long-term schooling, entry-level jobs or expensive equipment...if you keep fussing about a lack of relevent diplomas or knowledge you risk getting stuck on squae one forever... Most Reinsaasance souls need to develop non traditional ways to get where we want to go...It's pssible tht you had unconsciously left delicious possibilities off your plate assuming you had to spend endless years in classrooms to learn enough, or that you cannot make a focal point fit your situation...By showing you creative ways to get started, strategies can strengthen your belief in your own potential"... so true!!!!

Oda a ...

Además de mis amores platónicos d artistas, como Juan Antonio de Locomía, Jin Carrey como el Acertijo, David Copperfield, Tarkan, Érik Karol o Donato de Santis, realmente me he enamorado en la vida real no tantas veces.

La primera vz fue de RHDG, en la secundaria; me gustaba mucho, pero éramos tan diferentes... siempre lo vi como platónico. (el nombre ya indicaba mis tendencias árabes).

Luego fue de otra persona, aunque no estoy segura si era eso o solamente una gran identificación con él como amigo, creí que nunca iba a encontrar un mejor amigo así... pero aunque le escribi dos cartas nunca me las contestó, no fue a mi fiesta de 15 años, se olvidó de mi cumpleaños varias veces; y aunque cuando nos vemos seguimos siendo amigos con cariño, la verdad es que a él no le interesa seguir en contacto... y yo no sé si estaba enamorada o no; a veces sueño con él porque creo que fue mi primer enamoramiento real y nunca se concretó, se quedó idealizado... varias veces nos dijeron que parecíamos novios, pero él nunca dijo nada aunque yo insinué cosas... y me dice una amiga que le confesó que es gay... así que tal vez es como Will and Grace... aunque estuvo en el funeral de mi abuelita, y hasta su mamá creo que me ve con buenos ojos, pues nunca será, porque él nunca dió ni un solo paso. Así que no te puedo invitar a mi boda, te deseo que encuentres lo que buscas, siempre tendré bonitos recuerdos de ti como el gran amigo que fuiste, pero ahora tengo a mi amor, y necesito que salgas de mi inconsciente... fuiste la primera persona de la que me enamoré realmente, nunca paso nada, no me dejaste ni me engañaste ni me lastimaste... gracias por estar ahí, pero por tus preferencias nunca quisiste decirme nada, gracias por no lastimarme... te quiero, y seguiremos en contacto por FB si quieres, pero desde ahora solo serás un buen amigo cn recuerdos lindos, pero nada más. Gracias por todo, espero que encuentres el amor y que podamos vernos con gusto y sin remordimientos algún día para presentarnos a nuestras familias y reírnos de las anécdotas con Kary...

Luego, el profe de Deportes y Pascal, dos maestros platónicos de los que sí me enamoré... y el guía de Canadá...

Luego el león, que resultó una fierecita, que me lastimó mucho por no querer compromisos, solo diversión, me obsesioné, y pude viajar y olvidar, y terminar como Dios manda y liberarme.

Luego KZ, mal desde el principio, pero me llevó al Islam... y me dijo de frente que sólo quería ser mi amigo... me lastimó mucho, me habia ilusionado mucho... pero ahora ya sé por qué pasan las cosas...

Y el que ni importancia tuvo....

Gracias a todos ustedes por lo que me enseñaron, aunque me hayan lastimado, lo que mal empieza, mal acaba, desde lo sólo platónico, los maestros, los amigos indiferentes imposibles, el que según me amaba, pero para nunca comprometerse, el que a pesar de las creencias nunca decidió ser más que amigos, y el que quería otra cosa.... Por algo los conocí, por algo pasan las cosas, sí me arrepiento de muchas, pero al mismo tiempo me llevaron a mi habibi, a la persona que realmente me respetó desde el principio, y que a pesar de mis dudas, miedos, ansiedades, creencias, defectos, etc. me amó desde que me conoció, tal como yo le pedí a Dios, y con quien, a pesar de las peleas, las diferencias, la distancia, quiero estar por el resto de mi vida y en el cielo también; él es la persona ideal y perfecta para mí y yo también. Lo amo, lo quiero mucho, me gusta, me entiende, nos complementamos, nos divertimos, compartimos...y nos peleamos, pero quiero crecer con él, me da tranquilidad, es mi coco, y yo quiero siempre corresponder a su amor, cada vez más, aprender más... él es más sensato y emocionalente más inteligente, lo admiro y lo respeto y lo ayudaré a superarse y a encontrar sus sueños...juntos... te amo, habibi, ya no puedo esperar a ser tu esposa ante toda la sociedad, aunque ya lo seamos ante Dios.... Gracias Diosito por darme tantas cosas, darme lo que pido aunque a veces no me lo merezca; ayúdame a ser feliz aquí en la tierra como en el cielo, a merecérmelo, a ser la mejor persona que puedo ser, a ejercer mis vocaciones y talentos, lo que me diste, en favor de los demás, ayuda a todos mis seres queridos a ser felices y a irse al cielo conmigo, ayuda a todos los que lo necesitan, ayúdame a ser la mejor persona que puedo ser, a ingnorar los susurros de shaytán, a superar mis miedos, a reemplazar la programación subconsciente que me hace daño, a eliminar todo lo que ya no necesito para dar espacio a lo nuevo y mejor... graicas por todo, Diosito, gracias, líbrame de los fantasmas del pasado en el amor, para amar a plenitud a mi habibi para siempre. Gracias, shukran, aquí me libro de todos los recuerdos que me hacen daño y me quedo con las expriencias y lo bonito, para vivir en el presente y tener esperanzas para un futuro mejor. Gracias a todos los que son parte de mi vida... ahora a disfrutar todo, la boda, la luna de miel, y la preparación,, y todo!!!!!! :-)

Fuente de gato

Fente maca hamilton

My magazine

My magazine would be like Algarabia or Reader's Digest full of different topics, specially cultural events, gastronomy, linguistics and science.

It would be in Spanish, and as I learn more, in English and/or French.

Sections (not necessarily in that order):

• Editorial
• Festivals, parades and all kinds of cultural events
• Places to visit: parks, museums, buildings...
• Places to eat: review of restaurants, one Mexican and one international
• The ingredient of the month: 2 recipes, one Mex, one int'l, and all the scientific facts about it.
• Interviews: Experiences of Mexicans in Montreal, and of Montrealers welcoming the Mexicans
• Linguistics: Theme of the month, grammatical errors, funny signs... with explanation and back up of the correct... And possibly remarks of things in English and French that are strange for us...
• News: 2 cultural, 2 financial/economic, 2 civic, 2 leisure, 2 sports, mixed Montreal (most) and important Mexican things.
• Leisure: Word puzzles, quizzes, sudoku, adivinanzas, riddles and more (with answers in the next issue)
• Our readers comments (5 each month)
• Classifieds (possibly)
• Ads (with discounts)
• Central page: Photo of the month (by me, collaborators or readers)

Possibly web site, Fb and Tw.

Free or little price, according to ads.

Distribution in cafeterias, restaurants, grocery shops and all places related to Mexico, including language schools and the Mexican Consulate (obtain approval/support from them), and Mexican associations/groups. Also, distribution in events.

Steps:

• Create sample (by myself or looking for collaboration)
• Market research
• Find printing services
• Look for sponsors/support/distribution with sample
• Distribute it for free and start creating anticipation for readers (contest, sales, gifts)/social media too.
• Create media kit and production calendar with all year subjects.

This is just the beginning!!!

Must I take the NYU course?

Can I do this at the same time that my PhD in Food Sc??? (do I really want to do it?/PhD)

Can I do it alone?

How much investment (money and time) do I need?

In how much time will I start seeing the results I want?

Wow... too many questions!!!!

My friends and my happiness...

It's so sad when you feel that you can't relate with your friends anymore...

Just a few months ago we were on the same page, still youngsters, still searching, still... lost? There are some characters that I used to relate to, and now I feel so far from them...

There's character number 1, the eternal romantic... always chatty, always smiling, always making friends and being the soul of the party... but also pessimistic, not believing in herself, not letting go... Her family is very important to her, but only 3 members of her family, and possibly other 4, really care about her... the others, even when they should love her so much, often make her feel worst... or have envy towards her, or simply don't understand her, love her or support her as she deserves; and yet, she is always there for them. She has a little job that doesn't reflect all she could do, and she says she had searched for a better job, but haven't had any luck... I think she hadn't searched enough, she doesn't believe she can get the job of her dreams, she doubts she is capable of, she got lost in the middle of her sadness... this sadness that doesn't let her advance... After so many years, after trusting the wrong man, after that man had chosen another life away from her even if he really loved her, and never explained anything, just went away... and she can't close the cycle, she can't let go... and no one dares to say that to her, afraid of losing her friendship... I want to help her, but I don't know how... because she doesn't want to be helped, she wants to 'enjoy her tears', as she said to me once... I want to help you, I don't want to hurt you, but I feel so distant from you... I know you are my best friend, but at the same time I don't want you to feel sad because you haven't found your love, your way and your happiness as I have... I know you are not like that, you don't mean to, you will be happy for me... but also wondering when is your turn...

Character number 2 is very intelligent, nice, a good leader, loves travelling, dogs, photography... she has a very loving family that supports her in everything, to make her feel good even when she is not doing the right thing... She got lost after receiving very hard news about her health... if I were her, I would have been so depressed, taken aback by that... I thought she had taken it so well, she looked/looks happy, relaxed, not working nor studying (at least not anything heavy as stress can make her health problems come back)... Right now her health is OK, and she could be enjoying life at most, doing everything and anything, all she always wanted... but is so comfortable to be a Nini... She got lost, she doesn't know her purpose anymore, she doesn't know what she wants to do, and she is searching, but by the wrong method: trying everything, one thing at a time, to see if she likes it or not, and at least "know what she doesn't want"... Recently she discovered that she is in fact depressed... not sad, but numb... And the fact that the only man she has loved is too busy with his professional accomplishments to be with her, and doesn't understand her struggle, made their relationship impossible... I thought she was over it, even she thought so, but the reality is other... And I don't know how to say all these things to her either, how to help her without her being upset with me... I drifted apart, I haven't even told her what I'm doing or where I am... I want you to find yourself again too, and not to be sad when you see me happy...

Character number 3 is not that close to me... She is also family oriented, works near home and doesn't want to break the umbilical cord... She has grown in her job, but her relationships with men are based on the physical, and she has not found love, she is always with the wrong man, she feels she doesn't deserve better. She loves to party, alcohol, smoking... She used to be my best friend long time ago, and she says that I'm her only true friend, but if I don't contact her, she doesn't contact me, and I had always felt she has some admiration for me, but mixed with envy, and tries to take advantage of me... I'm sure I can have an evil eye from this character... I was distanced from her for a while, then contacted her back... but I don't know if I want to be her friend... maybe acquaintances that see each other once in a while would be OK... She is more lost than the other characters... And I'm sorry for her grandma, she is such a nice person, I wish to stay in touch with her.

Character number 4 is older than the others, she was very close with my grandma, and I think she loves me as another child of her own, she has been there for me when I was depressed and lost, and sometimes I feel I take advantage of her by only seeing her when I need something... I want to keep in touch with her, but my grandma felt something bad about her, and my mom too, even if this character has helped us in so many ways....but if they felt something, there's a reason... Sometimes I think she feels some envy because I had accomplished so many things and her own daughter is so different... she wishes she had had a daughter like me... Does she want me to fail? And she believes in strange things that I don't, and I'm afraid of that... Can evil eye be there too? She is resentful because I haven't contacted her, and because my mom doesn't want to see her.... What can I do about her?

Character number 5 is my godmother, and character 4 doesn't know that because she would be so jealous. This characters knows me since I was born, and is truly good-hearted, but we are not that close, or talk to each other that much. I know she wishes me well, and I wish I was more close to her... She wanted to set me up with her nephew, but he is into politics and doesn't have a bachelor's degree... and I don't like that.

Characters 6 and 7 and character 1's best friends and my friends too, but they are in another page too, I had never felt fully understood or identified with them, even after so many years and experiences together... It's like I'm from another planet... They are good, they are not lost (that much), they know what they want... but they are in a different stage than me.

I felt I have grown, I feel that most friends of my age are still late teenagers and I'm becoming an adult, A YOUNG WOMAN... They are still GIRLS, lost or not-so-lost, but girls.

Character 1: Love is not suffering, love is not listening to songs while you cry, remember, regret and imagine; love is not melancholy, love is not giving everything or being the perfect girlfriend... Love is showing who you are so they want you to be their wife, so they see you are perfect for them, even with all your flaws. The one who loves does express it, either with actions, or with actions plus words. The one who doesn't express anything or does says it but doesn't back it up with actions, is because he doesn't really love you... Please let it go, please, God has your perfect match waiting for you, but you need to let this one go, the one who didn't choose you... You can be loved, you can have the perfect job, you can support the members of your family that support you and ignore the rest, or change your approach to them... Please help yourself, believe in God and in yourself, I want you to keep being my best friend, I want you to be happy, as happy as I am....

Character 2: Please enjoy your life now that you can, do all the things you want to do, before it's too late... I can help you to find your purpose, I just can lend you the tools that made me find mine... I was lost too, but I'm finding my way now... When you find yourself, everything else falls into place...even love, either with that person who might be still waiting for you... but just let go of him and see if you find him again when you least expect it, or maybe someone else... Please, before it's too late... I want to be able to relate with you again as best friends too...

Character 3: Find the way in doing the right things, you have the tools near you, just apply them. But I can't be your best friend anymore unless you give up the destructive behaviors, and even so I think I can only be your 'once a year friend'.

Character 4: I thank you for what you have done for me, I want to keep being friends with you and show you that I'm there for you even when I don't need anything from you, but I also need to keep a healthy distance and reservation... God knows why, and if I'm wrong, please forgive me. You have been important for me.

For all my friends: I'm sorry I shut down, I'm sorry I closed myself, I'm sorry I had to be 'offline' for this period of time, but I had to find myself... At first I might have done it for the wrong reasons, because I was afraid you would tell me 'I told you so' if I took the wrong decision, but now that I know that thanks God I made the right choice, I want to give you an apology and I want you all to be a part of my life and share my happiness with me. I've found myself again, I've found my love, and I have found my path... or at least I'm in the good path- search right now, and I just realized... I'm happy!!!!!! Yes, I'm happy!!! Thanks God for everything, please help me to help my friends and family to find themselves, their paths and purposes and be happy too, here and in heaven. And help us all to deserve it. Thank you. :D

Le propose de ma vie est...

The purpose of my life is to be a Renaissance woman, someone like Leonardo Da Vinci, who dedicated himself to a variety of sciences and arts and excelled in all of them: I'm at my best when I have a life full of different tasks, and that's why I loved school so much, from kinder-garden to high school: I had lots of different subjects at the same time (up to 13), focusing in one at a time and then to the next, and I was the best in all of them; that's what I do: unlike the saying "Jack of all trades, master of none", I always achieved the best results by having a variety of things to do that allow me to not get bored, but at the same time having enough consistency to be steady in my life.

I remember when I was trying to choose my career, I had to choose between science, arts, cuisine, writing... and someone asked me what would be my ideal world, and I answered that if I could have a part-time job in each of these subjects, so I could cover them all, I would be so happy... Then why did I lost that idea for so long?

I realized around the 5th semester of University that Chemistry by itself wasn't fulfilling enough to me... and I thought it was because I had chosen the wrong career and should have gone for journalism... but that was just a part of the truth... Yes, my other vocation IS journalism, writing, copyediting (and I think is my main mission, the one that keeps everything together), but the reason I started feeling bad is because in the first 4 semesters I had other activities to do to complete the sports, social and cultural credits, in addition to the career ones: candles, filigrana, belly dance, volleyball, gym, swimming, sign language, leadership formation, alebrijes... all those things that help me to have variety, because a career is just a group of similar subjects, and that's what does not work for me.

Some people would say that I don't commit to anything, that I have to jump from one thing to the next (in jobs), as a lack of maturity and stability, but that is not true for me. If I haven't committed to any job is because all of them were partly right for me, but all of them have common thing between them, you can see a common subject on my resume, and each of them has brought me closer to my real mission, to find a job that I can have for the rest of my life.

Some other people would say that I love to accumulate knowledge and not put it into practice, but that is not true either: I do love to learn, and I'm at my best when I'm learning new things, I love to be an intelligent and cultivated person. But I also know that my mission is to pass that knowledge to others, but not so much as a teacher, but as a writer.

Then, my ideal world is one where I can have a job that allows me to write about many subjects, such as science, literature, food, cultural events, including taking pictures of them, and not just being a reporter, but someone who writes her own experience and knowledge, an expert in each of those subjects. And also this job, in a magazine of my own, either virtual or printed (like Algarabia), must allow me to be the leader, to regain my confidence and strength, and be my best self, by using all my potential...

And also I need to have time to sing in a choir, which I love, and do some exercise (aqua fitness and/or Jukari), some manual work like sewing, or painting; cooking, reading a lot, either in a library or a cool, nice, calm park; having more real friends, to which I can relate and show my true self, and be there for them and them for me; and time for my family, to have fun with them, travel with them, and relax with them. Also some volunteering too to appreciate what I have and help others who are less fortunate than me. And dedicate some time to God too, of course (this should be the first goal), so I can have a true happy existence in all the aspects of my life, by being happy myself and not keep searching outside.

It feels so good to write again, and be back on track.

Thanks for reading, whoever you may be.

-Aisha Soleil